The Myth of Social Isolation
Scowling, glass-half-empty sociologists are at it again.
A report released last week titled “Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks Over Two Decades,” claims that Americans are far more isolated today than they were two decades ago, and that a growing number of people have no one in whom they can confide. As discussed in the Washington Post, the study paints a sobering picture of an increasingly fragmented America, where intimate social ties are shrinking or nonexistent.
Lynn Smith-Lovin, a Duke University sociologist and one of the study’s authors, explains, “We’re not saying people are completely isolated. They may have 600 friends on Facebook.com, and e-mail 25 people a day, but they are not discussing matters that are personally important.” What she’s inferring is that the Internet may be a place for “friends” but not “relationships.”
For many, the report calls to mind Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam’s 2000 tome about the decline in community and civic engagement in America. CBS News commentator Dick Meyer went so far as to liken social isolation to global warming or the link between smoking and cancer –something we know to be true but don’t want to acknowledge.
And here’s where I must stand up, stomp my allegedly solitary feet, and loudly disagree.
I spent the last three years researching communities of people who join together in pursuit of shared fanatical passions– such things as doll collecting, boardgaming, storm chasing, ice fishing, etc., and found that community life and social ties are NOT on the decline, as Putnam and Smith-Lovin would have you believe. They are simply changing form, and we’re smack in the middle of that shift right now.
Here’s what’s happening: People are seeking out others online who share their passionate interests. Whether it’s raising pugs, gardening, Star Wars or cake decorating, the Internet provides a way for people with highly specific interests — whatever they may be — to find one another. Then, as people get comfortable with their online relationships, they begin to form face-to-face communities around those shared passions.
Meetup.com is one site that actively promotes in-person meetings around shared interests. But many of the people I studied, including Barbie collectors, Josh Groban fans and adult Lego users, are taking it upon themselves to create community by organizing conventions and celebrations and regional meetings.
And the participants of these communities can be amazingly, jaw-droppingly supportive of one another, despite how trivial their interests may seem on the surface.
For example, in my travels, I met a Barbie collector, a single mother from Fort Worth, Texas, whose only son had been murdered in a random church shooting. The woman’s name was Judy Stegner and this is what she told me about the aftermath of her son’s death:
“…My Texas friends gradually dropped out of sight after my son was killed. I mean, I don’t blame em. They didn’t know what to say. This kind of thing is hard for everybody. But my Barbie friends, you wouldn’t believe what they did. They called or wrote to me every day. They sent me money. They sent care packages. They helped raise thousands of dollars for a tuition assistance fund in Justin’s name. They also contacted Mattel. Can you believe that? They contacted Mattel and the company sent me a special collectible Barbie and a handwritten note the first Christmas after Justin died. My Barbie friends even had a special Angel doll made for me. I’m so blessed. This is the closest circle of friends I’ve ever had.”
Hardly the words of a socially isolated Internet junkie who has “friends” but not “relationships,” wouldn’t you say?
Yes, this is one example. But I met many, many people whose stories matched Judy’s. The young autistic man who’d never had social relationships of any sort until he found furries, people who shared his interest in animal art.
The Adult Lego users who used to pursue their hobby alone in basement rooms, who now meet regularly with other adult Lego users — or, as they explained it, with people who “get them.”
The retired auto worker and boardgamer from Detroit whod formed an unlikely, but deep and long-lasting friendship with an international money manager from Vienna.
The upshot of all this is that I disagree with Putnam’s contention that community is on the decline. Sure, Rotary Clubs and bowling leagues and homeowners’ associations may be losing members, but it’s because people are finding other, more personally rewarding ways to find community, and that is by finding others who share their passions. And there are simply too many of these potential passions — collecting action heroes, pimping old Fords, squeezing the accordion, etc. — for any statistical survey to track.
I also heartily disagree with the current contention that Americans are more socially isolated than ever. Granted, my research is anecdotal. But in traveling from the Bronx to Los Angeles, each community of passionate fanatics I encountered displayed a heartwarming level of support, empathy, and its-damn-cool-to-know-you friendship.
So why such a negative report about social isolation? Because I believe we’re in transition, a place where many older people (35 plus — the same people most likely to respond to a social survey) are still trying to get comfortable with online expression. The more comfortable they get using the Internet as a place to search for like-minded souls, the more comfortable they’ll become with the friendships they foster online, and the more likely they’ll be to venture out into mutually supportive in-person communities.
As I witnessed, when your community has been established around a passion such as Barbie dolls, and when everyone else in that community loves Barbie dolls the same way you do, well, you can’t help but feel especially fond and compassionate toward those other people.
So the sociologists just need to give it more time. Ever since Alex de Toqueville journeyed across the continent in the early 1800s, America has been known as a nation of joiners. And we’re still joining together — but in newer, more colorful and quirky ways. Socially isolated? Not hardly.
–Shari Caudron
Author of WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE