thoughtmechanics

White House vows retaliation over potentially-viable-hostage-taking

The Bush administration descended into doctrinal chaos yesterday, as insurgents in Iraq made good on their promise to pursue the production of stem cells, while neo-conservatives in the White House searched for a way to obliterate the laboratories without harming any of the goo.

“Stem cell research may lead to cures for many illnesses and disabilities,??? a masked insurgency spokesman said in a video press release broadcast over the internet. “It is the mother of all cash cows. This will bring more money than the drugs we produce in Afghanistan. It’s even better than oil.???

The insurgency pledged that stem cell labs would be set up in secret subterranean hardened bunkers throughout the country. And it said that projects are already underway, staffed by highly skilled American-educated Iranian doctors, many of whom have recently returned to the Middle East with their children but without their wives, who turned out to be expensive to maintain and impossible to control.

“We are aware of the threat to those stem cells and are considering measured steps to meet it,??? Donald Rumsfeld told reporters at an afternoon press conference. “And by measured, I mean we are considering the most dreadful damn steps we can think of that we haven’t already tried.???

President Bush reacted vigorously to the news that stem cells were at risk in Iraq.

“Stems cells are life,??? he said. “They are alive. They are things that are alive that have life, and could someday become living people, or component parts of living people, if they are not already.???

One terrified reporter who was at the press conference said Bush seemed to be working out his policy right there on the podium, with cameras running and spectators weeping.

“Ours is a culture of life,??? Bush continued. “Not like the Iraqis, who hate us for our freedom…???

“You mean the insurgents,??? one of his Secret Service bodyguards said, nudging him.

“Yes, right,??? Bush continued, apparently thankful for the helpful hint. “We are a culture of life, or have a life-full culture, and we will do anything to preserve and protect life, in the form of stem cells, if not people, including if necessary dropping bunker-busting nuclear missiles on every square inch of that country where we think people might be holding stem cells against their will, or at least mine.???

When asked if saving stem cells represented yet another shift in the rationale for the war in Iraq, Bush disagreed, saying that the reasons for going to war in Iraq have always been part of God’s plan, which unfortunately he could no longer reveal, in view of its “Top Secret??? re-classification on Tuesday.

In other news, on Wall Street the value of stock in Halliburton Industries rose sharply today as investors reacted to the announcement that Halliburton had developed a powerful new bunker-busting bomb made from weapons-grade stem cells.

Richard Galli
The Galli Report
http://www.gallireport.com

“Freedom of religion, freedom of the press, and freedom of person under the protection of habeas corpus, and trial by juries impartially selected. These principles form the bright constellation which has gone before us, and guided our steps through an age of revolution and reformation.???

-Thomas Jefferson

Every rampaging tyrant from Attila the Hun to Saddam Hussein arrogated to themselves certain imperial perquisites. These included the authority to summarily arraign their foes in kangaroo tribunals, banish them to concentration camps or firing squads, and marry their daughters.

Detaining opponents without trial is as much a core competence of dictators as surreptitious surveillance, fearmongering, jingoistic propaganda and witness intimidation. Many current Washington potenates have been avid acolytes of this nefarious creed.

The US Supreme Court however, has belatedly affirmed that that sort of thing is not what democracies should be getting up to. The central paradigm of democracy’s ideal is the equality of all citizens. To violate the rights of one is to desecrate the rights of all.

More trenchantly, this decision has put paid to the petty legalistic arguments about whether US Constitutional protections should extend to foreign captives. It was never a legal argument, but a moral one. How you treat a person at your mercy is an expression of your core values.

If Americans treat foreign detainees less humanely than citizen prisoners, it gives the lie to the principles that preceded, and should be enshrined in, its Constitutional guiding star. Principles applied discriminatingly are no principles at all.

El Hakeem
www.amusis.com