So what is alternative rock? And what exactly is it an alternative to? Wikipedia defines “alternative rock” as “punk rock-inspired music genres which didn’t fit into the mainstream genres of the time.” I find it just a little ironic that the word alternative is still used to describe a genre of music that gets more play than Paris Hilton’s bedroom camcorder. Take Pearl Jam for instance, they are about as alternative as a Toyota Camry. Seriously, it’s very difficult to listen to any commercial rock station without hearing “Jeremy” or “Evenflow.”

Pearl Jam is not a brilliant band, though their miles and miles of foolish diehard fans would have you believe they’re musical revolutionaries. Rather, singer Eddie Vedder’s throaty, ultra-emotive howl is filtered through shoddy hard rock that takes its cue from the ’70s so Pearl Jam fans can fool themselves into thinking they’re listening to something other than average alternative rock.

That’s a quote I found on Epinions.com. It was written as an example of what a good “cynical” music review would look like, so I don’t even know if it’s sincere. But that doesn’t matter because when I read those words, I toasted the author for saying exactly what I’ve been thinking since 1991 when their first album (Ten) was crammed down my throat by the we-think-we-know-what’s-best-for-the-world paladins at MTV.

It seems that the term “alternative” has expanded slightly and now includes just about anything you hear on the radio containing the slightest adumbration of punk. This includes (according to the Real Directory) the likes of Yellowcard, Collective Soul, Alien Ant Farm, The B-52’s, Bush, Coldplay, Creed, Deftones, Disturbed, Evanescence, Fear Factory, Foo Fighters, Goo Goo Dolls, let’s not forget about Green Day, Linkin Park, Live, Courtney Love, Matchbox 20, Alanis Morissette, Nickelback, Pretenders, etc.

I think my point is obvious–it’s time to start calling “alternative” music what it really is: Mainstream. What’s worse is that the Real Directory actually listed some bands that should actually be called alternative, like A Perfect Circle and Radiohead–two bands that should never be associated alongside the likes of Goo Goo Dolls or Foo Fighters.